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[10 Mar 2006|10:47pm]

[ mood | eh.tired ]

Poem #29 : Promise of Change
All those things you did to me
To make me who you wanted me to be
Have now become a part of me
Now matter how much I tried to be free
They always returned to haunt me
In my dreams
Though it seems
That everything’s okay
I know its wrong

All the times you wanted me
To change who I was for you
Just let me be
Who I am and
I know I can’t change the past
I can’t change the way I was
But I can try to make a difference
You can try to bring me down
But I will forever return to the surface
Return to haunt you if I must
So you realize to your dismay
I’m not going to change myself for you
And this is the way it will stay

Poem #30 (Song #5): Stare at the Ceiling (inspired by Blue-Sky Research by Taproot)
Chorus: As we stare into the gray
Our eyes fade back into the world
That we revolve around
Believing it revolves around us

From shadows to substance
We are awakened in an instant
From our dreams of returning to the surface

Verse 1: In reality we’re merely drowning
We dream an imaginary dream
And we strive for something better in life
But there’s always just one more step to climb
On the ladder of life
We strive to get to the top
Pushing others down for our selfish desires
We are in a constant struggle against ourselves
But why must we defeat others to pursue happiness?
Must self contentment always come with others’ resentment?

Chorus: But as we stare into the gray
Our eyes fade back into the world
That we revolve around
Believing it revolves around us

From shadows to substance
We are awakened in an instant
From our dreams of returning to the surface

Verse 2: Sleep lets us escape the demands of reality
But we always awake the next morning
Staring at the ceiling
Trying to remember
And the blur becomes clearer over time
The questions get tougher for them to answer
We could overpower them
If only we weren’t bound back by the darkness

Chorus: But as we stare into the gray
Our eyes fade back into the world
That we revolve around
Believing it revolves around us

From shadows to substance
We are awakened in an instant
From our dreams of returning to the surface

read my story

A Dream Fulfilled (based off of Langston Hughes' A Dream Deferred) [10 Mar 2006|10:09pm]

[ mood | eh.tired ]

What happens to a dream fulfilled?
Does it explode?
Like a nightmare’s last moment
Or echo in the wind
Like unceasing memories of what once was
And then fade away
Does its brilliance last forever?
Or leave with the moment?
Like a flash of lightning illuminating the sky

Maybe it reveals other dreams
Like a veil taken from your eye

Or does it just die?

read my story

Bullet With A Name (idea from Nonpoint's song Bullet With A Name) (inspired by onedeaddog) [10 Mar 2006|10:11pm]

[ mood | eh.tired ]

I want to sleep when you are awake
I cannot sleep when you are around
I only sleep when I’ve lost my will
I cannot breathe without the sound
Of you
And yet it chokes me
Like a silent high that kills you slowly
You need it as do I
You want it more than I
You push me farther than I dare
But it’s all right, I don’t care
I just need your satisfaction
And I’ll be all right
Because as you burn my heart deeper
I will remember your name
Everytime you hurt me
Is another reason to remember you
Nothing ever changes
You grow angry, I grow tears
I’ve grown hard
As I give you your wants
I lose my needs
And my bullet grows stronger
To me you are merely a name
Carved into my mind
And as my soul bleeds from you
I aim
My bullet with a name

read my story

Modern Freedom [10 Mar 2006|10:04pm]

[ mood | eh.tired ]

Sighing again
This ache won’t go away
Feeling like a punishment for my sin
You almost sound happy as you say
Those words that crushed me
Ruined my day
And it’s all your fault
Maybe I’m just being jealous
But I never get to go
And maybe I’m just a whiny teenager
But you know
That I hardly see my friends anymore
They’re what I need right now
I wish I had more freedom
Maybe I wouldn’t be so numb with anger
And lock myself away
Maybe my heart wouldn’t feel like a drum
Punching against my chest
Perhaps then these poems would be happy for once
Wouldn’t have all these problems in my life
But I guess you don’t see that, huh?
Pretty blinded, huh?
If I were just more free
I wouldn’t be embarrassed
I’m not a child anymore
Stop trying to hold me back
I’m not saying I want to pack my bags
I’m not asking for a rights movement
I just want the freedom my friend has
How can I tell you, though?
You don’t listen, you don’t understand
Guess I’ll keep my freedom in my dreams

read my story

Chemistry haiku [11 Jan 2006|11:34am]

[ mood | sick ]

Ions and atoms
elements, protons, neutrons
solvents, solutions

Ionic compounds
anions and cations
and molecules too

My head is spinning
Too many diffferent words
I hate chemistry

.01`chapters of my liferead my story

[31 Dec 2005|12:49pm]

[ mood | blah ]

Nothing’s Wrong With Me
I guess I never thought I could do wrong
That it was always someone else’s problem
But my fake perfection
Led me down the path of destruction
And now’s he’s hurt the most

How could this have happened to me
Where did it begin
To slowly but surely fall apart
And bring me to the end

I always blamed everyone else
I guess my ego lead me astray
So I ran around with false protection
From what scared me the most

But could it be that I was the one who had done it all
Could it be I am the one to blame
I didn’t know until it suddenly came crashing down
That I am the one with shame

Now I don’t understand what’s going on
Or what I did to get into this
So maybe if I were without love
Maybe that would be best
He wouldn’t be used, and I wouldn’t hurt him
I could just disappear
I doubt anyone would be disappointed

I hate the fact that I use him so much
And yet I do it all the time
Again and again I’ve given him false hope
And turned it around again
So we’re in the same position
My mind tells me all the things he’s done wrong
And how this is his fault
But it’s just a lie to me
I’m sorry I didn’t realize it yet

read my story

hey a post from your mod. heh [08 Dec 2005|05:23pm]

[ mood | amused ]

Hola sorry I don't post anymore, computer problems. Props to everyone who has posted..

Here's something I'm sort of working on...

And unreasonable death is what the poor girl recieved
a stuck of humiliation is what she concieved
no one gave a care whether or not is she was reak
they made jokes behind her back, but she can still hear
didn't understood why she couldn't heal
she cut a ltter so deep in her sking starting with "Mother Dear,"
and she went on, the pain was just too much
she now them forgot to write one to her dad
so she'll use her let to write to him
or maybe she'll forget about it
all the frustratuin and anger and sadness in her tears
continuing to cut she remembers her fears
her arm feels numb cause the vien bleeds more
she doesn't scream too loud, reason for this is because she is listening to hear her mother walk in through the font door...

It's still in progress soo yeah

read my story

[27 Nov 2005|05:38pm]

[ mood | depressed ]

cant you see it
it's falling apart
can't you see it
it's breaking my heart
cant you see it
that we never speak
cant you see it
that we are both weak
cant you feel it
the pain that is real
cant you feel it
the love i cant steal
cant you feel it
the scars from the pain
cant you feel it
we're stuck in the rain
cant you hear them
the silet screamms
can't you hear them
lifes' not what it seems
cant you hear them
the soft broken cries
cant you hear them
the lives full of lies
cant you understand it
i'm to weak to pull you out
cant you understand it
that my mind is full of doubt
cant you understand it
that i am dead inside
cant you understand it
that all i do is hide

read my story

[16 Oct 2005|09:17am]

Haven't posted here in a while, so:

Poem #19: Roulette (dedicated to my boyfriend Kyle)
Everytime I see you
You seem a bit brighter
You sweep me off my feet
And make the darkness lighter
Everytime you see me
You say I look a little more beautiful
I never want you to leave
So my days won’t seem so dull,
So pointless,
Without love you do not truly live life to its fullest
read my story

[04 Oct 2005|07:58pm]

I sit here alone
Staring at the phone
I know you won't call
No, you won't call
I thought that you'd care
I thought you would listen
But I was wrong again
You don't understand
You'll never understand
I lay here alone
Staring at a photo of you
I toss it aside
It was a broken dream
Just another broken dream
I still remeber the note
When you said it couldn't be.
It just could never be.

Just to clear things up, I wrote this in May 2004, way before Green Day wrote their Broken Dream song :P
read my story

[26 Sep 2005|06:35pm]

I don't wanna laugh,
Because it'd be just a lie,
I don't wanna walk this path,
Because it's making me die.

All I wanna do is sit here,
With you by my side,
You take away all my fear,
So I don't have to hide.

So just hold me close,
And tell me everything will be okay,
I'll hold you close,
And so here we can stay.
read my story

[08 Sep 2005|05:38pm]

[ mood | aggravated ]

I understand that you
want to be accepted but
don't turn into me

Don't follow my lead
I'm not a good example
And you don't know me

When I scrape this knife
across my skin, don't follow
It's not cool at all

I know you want to
be my friend but don't do this
just because I do

Just stop it right now
You don't underatand why I
do this to myself

It's a long story
And I don't want to explain
But listen to this:

Stop doing this to
yourself, it is not the way
to win my friendship

I need someone who
will help me heal and who
won't encourage me

I need someone strong
with a shoulder to cry on
I need someone real

So stop trying to
impress me, it's not working
It's not going to

I'll respect you more
If you would just be yourself
You shouldn't be me.

...I am currently obsessed with writing in haiku ^^;

read my story

[08 Sep 2005|11:31am]

[ mood | accomplished ]

She wipes off the book
Collecting dust on the shelf
The "memory book"

Inside it she sees
Pages filled with memories
Some were good, some bad

She laughed as she read
All of the "remember when's"
How could she forget?

But as she read on
Her laughter slowly faded
Some it was lies

"I know I'll miss you"
and "We'll be firends forever"
Meaningless clichés

She was the outcast
Never really quite fit in
Although she did try

Maybe if they knew
How it felt to be left out
Then they might have cared

Looking at her scars
She remembers what it's like
To feel all alone

She put back the book
While feeling relieved that she
Can't go back in time

read my story

Hey Everyone! [25 Aug 2005|10:28am]

[ mood | bouncy ]

Sorry I haven't posted poems as much! But I will now since school is starting and I just get fired up with it.

gabriela your maintainer? aha

read my story

First post^^ [22 Aug 2005|12:58pm]

[ mood | calm ]

Poem #1: The SicknessCollapse )

.01`chapters of my liferead my story

^__^ [21 Aug 2005|06:43pm]

[ mood | accomplished ]

Click here for.... *gasp* What COULD these be....?!?!?!Collapse )

read my story

[21 Aug 2005|03:13pm]

[ mood | lonely ]

Friends forever
A special bond
A family
We were inseparable

Inside jokes
No one could understand
But oh how we would laugh
Everyone thought we were crazy

We hugged good-bye
We agreed
Like this we would stay
Always until the end

The letters kept coming
E-mails wouldn't stop
Aways IMing
Staying in touch

Couple years later
Recalling memories
Laughing, crying
Remembering that bond

Although time fades
I thought it was true
Friends forever we would stay
But now I'm not so sure.

Loved you so much
But is it time to let go?
It seems as though you have
And you really let it show

So is this a good bye?
I am not quite sure
Only time will tell
No matter what happens

I will never forget you.

.01`chapters of my liferead my story

[11 Aug 2005|03:44pm]

National Honor Society, AP classes
She gets Straight A's
Responsible, Reliable, Organized
She's so Perfect

She's the best.
She's so perfect.
Everyone should be like her.

Average student, easy classes
She gets mostly B's
Procrastinator, forgetful, quite disorganized
Tired of being compared

She's not the best.
She's not perfect.
And she's never gonna be like her.
read my story

[09 Aug 2005|12:23pm]

[ mood | amused ]

if I held my ground would you ask me to change?
this drought bleeds on now we're dancing for rain
we drink the air but it's still not the same
these worlds collide but the distance remains
we point the finger, never accept the blame, and I know.. I know
-lyrics from the band rise against song-dancing for rain

just thought they were pretty cool =)

read my story

[01 Aug 2005|09:22pm]

[ mood | touched ]

the other day I looked at our photograph
I saw that it was torn and wrinkled
I taped it up and flattened it
so that our picture can twinkle
though all my hard work into making that photograph failed
I began to realize our past
then at that moment I began to wail
I cried and cried because our last good bye
the taste of you on my lips
I felt as I shattered and died
but looking at the memories
when we were whole
makes my life a little more worth living for
cause I know one day our hearts will reunite
and we'll have another love
like the love we had that night
we shared our laughs and shared smiles
you are really "what my heart desires"
all of those memories from single picture
it's in black and white
and a little thinner
I think it's worth not burning
because I don't want our love to die out
in which, I'm keeping this picture
putting it in my wooden box
and let the memory stay
so that one day you'll come to your senses
and back to me and never make the same mistake
cause our black and white photograph
is what's keeping me together
when I'm trying not to fall apart
I look at our love
and make my day a better start...

Editors Note: it's a start but ya know I'm trying to write again. ♥

written on 8.1.05 by Gabriela. thank you

read my story

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